everythingeverythingeverythingeverything...

This is of little use in my email inbox...

So... if anyones ever fancied buying a russian bride but never knew quite how to go about it...

Here you go.

But no time wasters.

----- Original Message -----
From: Svetlana Robinson
To: Shannon Robinson
Sent: Saturday, January 07, 2006 8:11 PM
Subject: Hello From Russia..

Hello have a good day,
I am not sure where to begin, it is first time I try to use internet to meet the man but the thing is, that I will work abroad I can choice USA, Canada or Europe and I would like to meet the man to share free evenings and be my guide. My friends helped me to send a few letters to different address and I do hope that I am lucky to meet good and kind man. you should know that now I live in Russia and my goal is to leave this country because it is impossible to live here for young pretty woman. they tell I look well enough, I am blonde with blue eyes, I am natural blonde. I will send a few photos if you reply. if you don't have wife nor girlfriend ,maybe we could try to meet? I am free I have not children. and I have not boyfriend here. I am 25 years old, please write to me directly to my mail Ainash@mailwithoutwords.com See you soon, with great hope.

Gossip with my 19yr old sister is one of my favourite, and most entertaining, pursuits.

The other day, we were huddled at my bedroom window (open) gossiping about our neighbours sat in their back garden.

"Is that Tony's girlfriend?"

"Dunno... is he still in the army?"

"I think so, can't be then can it? She's ok looking, bit plain."

"Is Barbara looking at us through that potted palm?" Sis shuffles out of view.

"Nah... she's a midget, she can't see past that trellis."

Mum comes in from gardening,

"You do know I can 'ear everyfink you're saying from out there don't you."

Todays topic (for two hours) was the cappuccino generation... she works part time in a coffee shop.

"Don't they have lives?

Why can't they just have a cup of fuckin' coffee?

Oh no... it has to be fuckin fair trade,

soya milk...

de-caff,

extra frothy,

extra hot... which, by the way, is 200c, as opposed to the standardised 170c..."

...

"Don't even get me started on the bus home...

Rob R's baby's mother was on there... with HIS mother"

Rob is a crack-heroin-whateverslyingaround-injecting-kinda-guy that I went to school with. Can be, on occasions, quite charming in that drug induced manner and once gave me a lovely rendition of 'Pretty Woman'.

"... with ANOTHER baby by a DIFFERENT father and EXPECTING some other fuckers baby. She was having a conversation about the paternity of her babies in front of the whole bus...

This is Rob's baby...

and this is a Spanish-guy-from-Blackpool's baby...

Who's the father of your baby? to some other girl...

I got this for a fiver and this, do you like it?

WHO CARES?"

Courtesy of www.famousdays.com, I now know that on today, June 23, in the year -

930 The world's oldest parliament, the Iceland Parliament, was established

1295 Pope Boniface VIII enters Rome

1724 Russia and Turkey sign Treaty of Constantinople

1848 Antoine Joseph Sax patents the Saxophone

1860 The U.S. Secret Service is created

1925 British warship fires on Hong Kong harbor strikers

1951 British diplomats Guy Burgess and Donald Maclean flee to the U.S.S.R.

1955 Walt Disney's "Lady & the Tramp" released

1975 Rocker Alice Cooper falls off stage in Vancouver, breaks 6 ribs

1983 Syria throws out PLO leader Arafat

1993 U.N. authorizes worldwide oil embargo against Haiti

1996 Nintendo 64 goes on sale in Japan

Todays history lesson...

Well last night I was musing over what I wrote yesterday. Me and 'Mr Fertility' (a curt response from a male friend I was talking to about it).

Show him what he's missing.

What is he missing? He is such a twat, he probably doesn't realise what he's got and how lucky he is.

I asked him recently if he was looking forward to the new arrival. Not that I care but making small talk as you do. Turns out he isn't, the pregnancy wasn't planned for and I suppose he's feeling sorry for himself that he was somehow tricked into it. I don't hold any sympathy for him.

When our little fling ended four years ago, it ended badly. I doubted myself and I suppose it messed with my head a little bit. I was at art college at the time and would stay up all night painting because I was so upset I couldn't sleep. Stupid really.

Considering I didn't know the whole truth at the time.

Turns out you can find out quite a lot from awkward small talk. I found out his eldest child is four. Our fling was a bit less than four years ago, the end of 2002.

I was just his bit on the side.

A bit on the side of what I imagine was a devoted girlfriend and a new born son. His first child.

Not that any of it matters now. I haven't told him that he slipped on a banana skin with that shred of information. I don't need revenge do I?

If you're an evil bitch like myself, then you'll probably spend a lot of time thinking of new ways to piss people off. Well someone after my own heart has got a website called www.getannoyed.com

Its a bit daft, but I wish I tried some of these when I used to work in a very morose, victorian cane-yer-arse style solicitors office -

"Compose all your emails in rhyming couplets."

"Page your co-workers to call their extensions so they call themselves."

"Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)"

"Put those hole reinforcing circles on the centre of your spectacles. Now go to that executive meeting."

"When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, “I think my phone is ringing” and leave. Go get a coffee."

Obviously copyright of whatever geezer writes the stuff on www.getannoyed.com

I think wherever you work, office or otherwise... surely everyone has played the game where you try and insert popular song lyrics into everything you say. Maybe not...

Anyway... on a more gossipy (is that a word, who knows) note. I've been in casual contact with a Mr X from way back when, well four years ago to be exact... when I was a wee 17yrs old and he was 24 or something.

Anyhoo... a lot has changed since then, for him... he has a steady relationship going with two young children and another on the way. He ain't half been busy.

So the majority of the casual contact we have is awkward small talk. We obviously don't have much in common anymore... him with his perfect nuclear family and me a single woman. He seems reluctant to share details of his family life with me but he always was a miserable bastard, he admits as much.

He's got a new job which means he will be working near to where I live some of the time.

He wants to see me.

... I love that self help garb, its a load of bollocks.

Listening to: Placebo, Every Me Every You
Eating: Bombay mix (for the love of God, I don't know why)
Wearing: jeans, peachy coloured tee, goldy suede flats
Loving: the beautiful sunshine lately
Hating: Grace off Big Bro... shes ghastly (in less polite terms, shes a fucking bitch)

Anyhoo, one hasn't posted for some time because quite frankly this is just therapy and lately one has been finding therapy at the bottom of a wine bottle instead.

But aren't we all looking forward to the World Cup starting tomorrow? All them gorgeous men (some of them) prancing about in shorts, day in day out. I know, its an insult to those who take it more seriously but whatever.

My fave dishy footballer is Nuno Gomes from Portugal. I have had a pathetic crush on him since hmmm... was it Euro 2000? Yes... I quite avidly watched all the Portugal fixtures that year.

I think its the hair, those beautiful big brown doe eyes and those lips...

Of course, I want England to win... who doesn't? And that Crouchy is adorable in his own silly robot dance way... Rooney quite cute in his Mr Potato head kinda way (if only we could pop off his damaged little foot and replace it with a pristine new one).

I'm thinking about going back to art college.

Anyhoo

... the con's as promised.

1. Too skinny
2. Talked too much which I wouldn't mind if he had something interesting to say... but most of the time my eyes must have been boring right through his fucking skull into the wall behind him in sheer boredom. A conversation is supposed to be two-way.
3. Stuck up snob
4. Totally pretentious taste in music and a lot of other things
5. Cock sure
6. Too heavy handed... leaving me black and blue for what? To prove his masculinity? Fucker
7. Bad dancer (not that it matters much)
8. Very obviously prefered blondes... twat... I'm a proud, natural brunette

Anyway, fuck him...

I hope L is going out on Friday. I might borrow one of sis's teeny weeny skirts, more like a belt kinda thing... get the pins out since they are a little more streamlined and tanned from last weeks sunbathing seshs. And buy a bottle of wine or brandy, depending on how mental I feel, to down before I go out.

... on my face
... on my fingernails
... on my toenails
... on my lips

Apparently the make-up 'look' at the moment (according to the Metro so don't take it too seriously) is androgynous. Fuck that. If you're going for this look, you are ideally aiming to resemble a pretty teenage boy (?!?!?). You have to ditch the mascara, don some eyeliner, let your brows grow (Brooke Shields styley? I dunno), face is pale, a little blush but not on the apples of the cheeks but a little further down. Don't think you can do lipgloss but a little matte lip stain is ok. Why am I bothering? Does anyone want to look like this?

Being dumped may not do much for ones self esteem but it does wonders for the figure. Well I've never been good at dealing with stress, emotional or otherwise, and my stomach is even worse... I've got a permanent feeling of nausea. I can only eat things which are sweet and biscuity. For example... the time is 14.53 and I have had 2 chocolate digestives and a mini kitkat since waking up. But I ain't looking too bad as a consequence.

But I'm scared that him dumping me has brought out the bitch (a skinny one at that) in me. The other night, I was writing a kind of pro's and con's list of my relationship (if you can call it that) with him. I started with the con's and I couldn't stop then, I was on a roll. Some of it was so nasty, but fucking funny at the same time. It doesn't matter, he'd never see any of it anyway.

I don't feel like posting them at the moment because I'm not in a bitchy mood but I might do later. There isn't any pro's, I didn't get that far.

I did go to bed in an optimistic mood last night...

Today was supposed to be my day off and I woke up with the sun beaming (well kinda) through my window. So I had plans to get up relatively early (for a day off) and wander into town to go shopping and perhaps look at the possibility of a short break.

But the boss called and asked in his miserable, gruff, manc accent if I could come in later. I stupidly agreed probably because I was in a good mood. Now I'm miserable at the prospect of spending my evening with a bunch of annoying twats. Pardon my French.

Not only that... the reason I was unusually optimistic was because I was also pondering my problems with S while I was in the bath. Going through all that girl power shit like, "I deserve better than him anyway", "I've always been out of his league" etc etc. I was doing a pretty convincing job of brainwashing myself.

Now I've done some more pondering in my more miserable disposition and just think I've been used for the last 8/9ish months. Or not so much that I've been used, just that me and him have been on completely different planets in expectations. Its not like I was looking at bloody wedding magazines or anything but I just wanted a normal, happy relationship.

Just as basic as... me = girlfriend and you = boyfriend.

But what was he thinking? me = fuckbuddy and you = fuckbuddy.

Since we last slept together, he's pretty much ignored me apart from moaning to me about his money problems. And I've let him ignore me... whats the point in arguing with him? Even though I'd like a relationship with him, I've never done the bunny boiler thing, if he's wanted space then I've always given it to him... in shedloads.

I don't know whether I should just ask him for a truthful answer since it doesn't really matter, everything is ruined anyway. I mean I suppose I deserve that much even if I have been completely disillusioned.

...

...

... well I just text him, will update when I get, if I get, reply

It was good last night... wasn't much looking forward to it as I would have rather just moped around the house for the evening and enjoy being miserable. Well I can do that today because I'm working later

But yeah, don't think I've laughed that much for ages. Me and my sis were placed on the same table as two older couples who looked a bit stuck up at first but they were well getting into it.

Table 7 didn't get it right though, we were a bit... um... off the mark. I'd definately go again if the hotel has another one.

S hasn't called but he can piss off, I can't be bothered with him.

Okay, so its a bit late in the year...

But I've been thinking about the resolutions I made at New Year. Not as if I need to give up smoking, lose weight or anything like that. I think everyone makes little secret resolutions though that they don't tell anyone about.

Currently, I'm working within a very male environment and not the nicest males to work with at that.

They all talk utter filth, argue with each other, try constantly to out-do each other etc. etc... Its all fake macho shit, too much fucking testosterone in the air and its making me nausceous. Sometimes its amusing but mostly tiring and a bit boring to be honest. I know they think I'm a bit of a soft touch but I don't wanna change to fit in with them, God knows what kind of transformation that'd be.

I always thought I could get on with anyone like I was an easy-going, friends-with-everyone type. Yet I don't actually like anyone at work and I can't be bothered trying to like them... I've just relented to despising of them and thats a bit depressing.

Sometimes I wish I stayed at my old job, it was tons of pressure and targets but my personality was better suited to it. I could be nice, friendly, sweet, polite and its not percieved as a weakness... I could use it to sell, pull favours.

So maybe my resolutions now are:
1) Get new job
2) Ditch crap boyfriend/fuckbuddy... whatever the hell he's supposed to be...
3) Take a break

When I was feeling all loved up, was planning on doing no.3 with victim of no.2...

But aren't relationships expensive? And they hurt, I don't react well to pain... I tend to shirk away from it. So now, plan is I have to carry out resolution no.2 before I can indulge in resolution no.3...

It'll be hard but its a bit easier imagining where I'm gonna go. Last year I escaped to Barcelona for a bit... and took some um, shitty snapshots with a disposable...

So I might go back... and I can just chill out, have fun and be myself. So thats something to look forward to...

Must dash, have to deliver present to best friend, she's 21 tomorrow. Then get ready for tonight... going to a murder mystery night with my sis so if crap boyfriend calls, I'm busy!