everythingeverythingeverythingeverything...

Justin - part of the modern art set?

2006-07-31T15:35:43+02:00

Well... his name will be forever preserved in this here book -

On page 135, look -

Here -

Available from all good book shops but it's probably cheaper on Amazon.

Comments

F*** Off Panorama

2006-07-31T01:54:23+02:00

"The zionist argument to justify Israel's present occupation of Arab Palestine has no intelligent or legal basis in history." Malcolm X

Did you know, at the BBC, Palestine already doesn't exist...

Yep, thats a map of Israel and, included as an after thought, 'Palestinian Territories' or 'Pal Areas'. A description that allows an uninformed reader to believe Palestinians are the occupiers when they really are the occupied.

Palestinians now have to live inside Israeli built ghettos which Israel call a 'security wall'.

It is three times the height of the Berlin Wall.

Palestinian homes have been bulldozed in order to construct this 'security wall'.

"Where we should go? They didn’t leave anything for us. Our houses, our belongings are crushed under their bulldozers. Are these small sheds any danger or threat to their 'security'? They are only in the way of their unlimited expansionism." Fatima Thiab Suman from Jib al-Thieb.

The wall is illegal under international law.

PLO says of it,

"In July 2004, the International Court of Justice determined that the Wall is illegal under international law and is not a military necessity. In reaching this conclusion, the Court determined that:
(1) in order to build the Wall, Israel destroyed or confiscated Palestinian property in violation of international law and the Fourth Geneva Convention; [11]
(2) Israel’s severe restrictions on Palestinian movement violate international human rights and humanitarian law; [12]
(3) the Wall impedes the right of Palestinians to work, health, education and to an adequate standard of living; [13]
(4) the Wall severely impedes the exercise by the Palestinian people of its right to self-determination; [14]
The Court also ruled that Israel must halt construction of the Wall, return the land to Palestinians whose property has been seized and pay compensation to them."

"In 1948, we have been expelled from our land. Now in 2006, we became refugees once again. Nothing has changed from one Nakba to another - this is our life." Mohamed Abed Allah Takroori from al-Walaja.

Fatima Khaldi, from the Salfit region in the West Bank, is founder of 'Women Against the Wall',

"In 2002 women from Salfit, the region where Az Zawiya is located, formed a group named 'Women Against the Wall', in order to coordinate women's efforts against the wall. The Salfit region is heavily scarred by Israeli settlements. The wall is being built to surround those settlements and to seize much of Salfit's agricultural land. In Az Zawiya it is cutting off 80% of the village's agricultural land.

Our ancestors have owned and tended this land for generations, but now the Israeli army is uprooting the trees that are our livelihood, stealing our land, destroying our houses, and killing our people. We are only defending our land and dignity, but they call us terrorists, and claim it is their right to defend the security of the settlers who have stolen our land to build their colonies.

Palestinian women are deeply rooted in their land, and work hard to support our families. Women suffer greatly when families lose their land, often the primary source of income. We raise olive trees as if they are our children. When we lose them, we grieve deeply. This grief affects everyone in the household. The husband takes out his anger on his wife, and she in turn takes her anger out on her children. Thus the house becomes full of anger, instead of love.

Each of us has our own way of expressing anger and rejection of the occupation's oppression and humiliation. As women we are trying to find a peaceful way. We carry out demonstrations to show the whole world that we reject Israeli violence and racism. We believe that the justice of our cause, and our determination, are stronger than any Israeli weapon, and that Palestinian women are capable of accomplishing the impossible for a better life."

"The greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules but by people following the rules. Its people who follow orders that drop bombs and massacre villages.

As a precaution to ever committing major acts of evil it is our solemn duty to never do what we're told, this is the only way we can be sure." Banksy

Comments

the human face of war

2006-07-28T23:40:42+02:00

There isn't much to say. These images made me feel physically sick.

The confusion felt by Hanady, the author of the article, is heart rendering.

The US and Britain are complicit in this. One of our airports has been used to fly out weapons supplied by the US to Israel... to carry out these fatalities.

The worst thing is the silence.

If anybody can firstly... stomach the images and secondly... remain silent, then tell me how.

Protest, write a letter to your MP, do something... it isn't right.

Comments

fly the liberty plane

2006-07-28T01:21:10+02:00

Maybe it was the attraction of being given permission to construct a paper aeroplane.

It does serve a purpose however...

So, if you feel like being an activist... lob a couple of these at innocent passers-by.

CAMPAIGN PLANE

Comments

Britain at war with Iran before end of the year?

2006-07-26T17:10:27+02:00

Read this article "UK government sources confirm war with Iran is on" by Nafeez Mosaddeq Ahmed.

The controversial 'Civil Contingencies Act' as mentioned in Mr Ahmed's article has been described by Liberty as...

"...legislative overkill, responding to heightened concerns since September 11 2001. The proposed new definition of emergency, whilst updating the new ‘essentials’ upon which society is now reliant, is far too broad. The ‘triple lock’, including the ‘seriousness assessment’, is entirely subjective and provides slender safeguards against misuse. There is no compelling justification for the highly controversial inclusion of threats to political, administrative or economic stability. The scope of emergency regulations is extraordinarily wide, has a high potential to breach human rights and includes the startling power to disapply any primary legislation. The proposal that emergency regulations be treated as primary legislation is ill thought-out and undermines the whole rationale underpinning the Human Rights Act. The Government’s increased willingness to declare an emergency highlights the need for anxious scrutiny of widened emergency powers and the motives for expanding them. Fundamental rights are most at risk in times of emergency."

Comments

Don't Rub It In!

2006-07-18T14:36:07+02:00

Your sunscreen that is... the front page of the Mail... rather wear it in a thick buttery layer. Yeah right.

Don't the Daily Mail have more pressing things to report on?

Current temperature where I am is 27c. Its hot and my palms are sweaty. Lets not get our little British heatwave out of all proportion though. Its 49c in Kuwait, 48c in Baghdad, 42c in Khartoum etc. etc. Those are real temperatures.

Makes me recall being in Turkey during a heatwave and the mountains were alive with the sound of crickets. The sky was an intense cerulean blue which melted into the sea of the same colour. Walking but a mile from one small village to another would cause me to collapse onto my bed, heart pounding. I spoke to a local man, he laughed and told me how silly it was to be exerting myself in the afternoon sun. He then went on to explain how he climbed the uphill road into the mountains every morning to keep fit... which he was.

Comments

Whoops...

2006-07-17T10:47:53+02:00

My cousin gave birth to a healthy baby girl on Saturday night.

She didn't even know she was pregnant and managed to go full term without an inkling there was a great big bundle of joy growing inside her.

My aunt called her an ambulance when she started having terrible pains in her back and legs... she gave birth in A&E. Her boyfriend is in utter shock as are my aunt and uncle.

"I said to her, haha, ...are you trying to kill me? It is the best present you could ever hope for," explained my uncle in his strong West Indian accent.

At 36, I'm unsure whether children ever figured onto her agenda but the baby is here now, beautiful and with the start of a promising afro.

Comments

The Middle East

2006-07-16T00:14:06+02:00

As most people probably have... I have been watching, with horror, the escalating crisis happening in the middle east.

We have 10,000 British citizens in Lebanon and another 10,000 dual nationality citizens over there too.

HMS Bullwark and Illustrious are ready to sail to the region to help evacuate these citizens. The damage caused to the Lebonese airports and ports by Israeli strikes will make this a difficult task. However, Bullwark has 500 marines onboard and Illustrious has helicopters and fighter bombers to help aid the mission if it goes ahead.

Aside from that, 80 Lebonese civilians have been killed so far since Israel launched the strikes.

Before the conflict started, Lebanon was looking forward to a summer of tourism with Beirut having become an increasingly popular tourist destination.

Hezbollah, the organisation responsible for the kidnappings of the two Israeli soldiers, represent Lebanon's Shia Muslims but have the respect of many Lebanese for providing social services and health care. The Lebanese government should have persuaded Hezbollah to demilitarise in line with the UN resolution 1559 but is probably powerless to do so as Hezbollah is heavily funded by both Syria and Iran. However, before anyone criticises the Lebanese government, let us not forget the 65 UN resolutions which have been targeted at Israel over the years which have largely been ignored.

Israel will not cease its onslaught until Hezbollah return the two Israeli soldiers... which will probably not happen. The Lebanese government and its civilians are powerless to do anything but watch their country reduced to rubble.

The Lebanese Prime Minister, Fouad Siniora, has called for a ceasefire and has asked the US to intervene,

"Lebanon is a disaster zone... and it pleads to its friends in the world to rush to its aid."

On a BBC message board, a Lebanese civilian explains,

"The whole country is destructed ,innocent people are dying and we as lebanese people are not able to do anything we are just watching things being destructed.Imagine you watching your home being destructed and your hands are chained,imagine you seeing your baby killed and your chained, you cannot move.As it is said it's not a war against Lebanon but our land is being destructed and our people are being killed,and the worst part is that countries are just watching us being destroyed."

Vana, Beirut

It is unlikely that the US will call for restraint from the Israeli's. They use Israel as a stronghold in the oli-rich middle east and provide the Israeli government and military with $15,139,178 a day. It might be Israeli's firing the guns but it is the US that is providing them.

Although Hezbollah's actions were foolish, it may be worth thinking about what they are fighting for which is the release of the 9,559 Palestinian political prisoners currently held by Israel.

"Since the beginning of the Israeli occupation of Palestinian territories in 1967, over 650,000 Palestinians have been detained by Israel. This forms approximately 20% of the total Palestinian population in the Occupied Palestinian Territories (OPT)."

"Palestinians are tried within Israeli military courts located within Israeli military centers in the OPT. These military tribunals are presided over by a panel of three judges appointed by the military, two of whom often do not have any legal training or background. These tribunals rarely fall within the required international standards of fair trial."

"Under military regulations in force in the OPT, a child over the age of 16 is considered an adult, contrary to the defined age of a child as under 18 in the Convention of the Rights of the Child, to which Israel is a signatory. In practice, Palestinian children may be charged and sentenced in military courts beginning at the age of 12."

"Between the ages of 12-14, children can be sentenced for offences for a period of up to six months – meaning that a child accused of throwing a stone can be sent to prison for six months;
After the age of 14, Palestinian children are tried as adults, in violation of international law;
There are no juvenile courts and children are often held and serve their sentences in cells with criminal prisoners and are often not separated from adults, also in violation of international law."

"Prison conditions in Israeli military detention camps are inhumane. Detainees are held in overcrowded prison tents that are often threadbare and do not provide for adequate shelter against extreme weather. Prisoners are not provided adequate food rations, neither in quantity nor quality, nor provided with clean clothes or adequate cleaning supplies. Many of the detainees currently being held in military detention camps were injured during their arrests and have not been provided the necessary medical attention, like those who suffer from chronic illnesses."
The Palestine Monitor

Links:

Palestine Info

If American's Knew

Remember These Children

Comments

Wear Sunscreen...

2006-07-14T23:25:23+02:00

I wish my sister and I had taken this advice before we spent the day on the beach in Wales.

"We'll be alright innit? It ain't that warm..."

Several hours later in the pub,

"Oooh Laura, look at the back of your legs... that'll be painful later."

So. I remember this, obviously from Baz Luhrmann's track 'Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) released in 1999. I was still in high school, I think it reached No.1.

But it originated from an essay by Mary Schmich written and published in 1997 as a column in the Chicago Tribune.

"Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young"

Published June 1, 1997

"Inside every adult lurks a graduation speaker dying to get out, some world-weary pundit eager to pontificate on life to young people who'd rather be Rollerblading. Most of us, alas, will never be invited to sow our words of wisdom among an audience of caps and gowns, but there's no reason we can't entertain ourselves by composing a Guide to Life for Graduates.

I encourage anyone over 26 to try this and thank you for indulging my attempt.

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen."

Comments

here we go again

2006-07-13T14:51:06+02:00

Blair in talks over Lebanon crisis

Israeli reprisals hit Lebanon, 52 civilians killed

Israel imposes blockade on Lebanon

Why, when the rest of the world condemns Israel's attacks on Lebanon, do Blair and Bush defend their disproportionate retaliation?

Another opportunity to get your guns out boys.

Fuck em.

Comments

title-949953

2006-07-10T21:57:42+02:00

This is of little use in my email inbox...

So... if anyones ever fancied buying a russian bride but never knew quite how to go about it...

Here you go.

But no time wasters.

----- Original Message -----
From: Svetlana Robinson
To: Shannon Robinson
Sent: Saturday, January 07, 2006 8:11 PM
Subject: Hello From Russia..

Hello have a good day,
I am not sure where to begin, it is first time I try to use internet to meet the man but the thing is, that I will work abroad I can choice USA, Canada or Europe and I would like to meet the man to share free evenings and be my guide. My friends helped me to send a few letters to different address and I do hope that I am lucky to meet good and kind man. you should know that now I live in Russia and my goal is to leave this country because it is impossible to live here for young pretty woman. they tell I look well enough, I am blonde with blue eyes, I am natural blonde. I will send a few photos if you reply. if you don't have wife nor girlfriend ,maybe we could try to meet? I am free I have not children. and I have not boyfriend here. I am 25 years old, please write to me directly to my mail Ainash@mailwithoutwords.com See you soon, with great hope.

Comments

title-942495

2006-07-08T00:02:28+02:00

Gossip with my 19yr old sister is one of my favourite, and most entertaining, pursuits.

The other day, we were huddled at my bedroom window (open) gossiping about our neighbours sat in their back garden.

"Is that Tony's girlfriend?"

"Dunno... is he still in the army?"

"I think so, can't be then can it? She's ok looking, bit plain."

"Is Barbara looking at us through that potted palm?" Sis shuffles out of view.

"Nah... she's a midget, she can't see past that trellis."

Mum comes in from gardening,

"You do know I can 'ear everyfink you're saying from out there don't you."

Todays topic (for two hours) was the cappuccino generation... she works part time in a coffee shop.

"Don't they have lives?

Why can't they just have a cup of fuckin' coffee?

Oh no... it has to be fuckin fair trade,

soya milk...

de-caff,

extra frothy,

extra hot... which, by the way, is 200c, as opposed to the standardised 170c..."

...

"Don't even get me started on the bus home...

Rob R's baby's mother was on there... with HIS mother"

Rob is a crack-heroin-whateverslyingaround-injecting-kinda-guy that I went to school with. Can be, on occasions, quite charming in that drug induced manner and once gave me a lovely rendition of 'Pretty Woman'.

"... with ANOTHER baby by a DIFFERENT father and EXPECTING some other fuckers baby. She was having a conversation about the paternity of her babies in front of the whole bus...

This is Rob's baby...

and this is a Spanish-guy-from-Blackpool's baby...

Who's the father of your baby? to some other girl...

I got this for a fiver and this, do you like it?

WHO CARES?"

Comments

The Single Life...

2006-06-23T16:13:28+02:00

Courtesy of www.famousdays.com, I now know that on today, June 23, in the year -

930 The world's oldest parliament, the Iceland Parliament, was established

1295 Pope Boniface VIII enters Rome

1724 Russia and Turkey sign Treaty of Constantinople

1848 Antoine Joseph Sax patents the Saxophone

1860 The U.S. Secret Service is created

1925 British warship fires on Hong Kong harbor strikers

1951 British diplomats Guy Burgess and Donald Maclean flee to the U.S.S.R.

1955 Walt Disney's "Lady & the Tramp" released

1975 Rocker Alice Cooper falls off stage in Vancouver, breaks 6 ribs

1983 Syria throws out PLO leader Arafat

1993 U.N. authorizes worldwide oil embargo against Haiti

1996 Nintendo 64 goes on sale in Japan

Todays history lesson...

Well last night I was musing over what I wrote yesterday. Me and 'Mr Fertility' (a curt response from a male friend I was talking to about it).

Show him what he's missing.

What is he missing? He is such a twat, he probably doesn't realise what he's got and how lucky he is.

I asked him recently if he was looking forward to the new arrival. Not that I care but making small talk as you do. Turns out he isn't, the pregnancy wasn't planned for and I suppose he's feeling sorry for himself that he was somehow tricked into it. I don't hold any sympathy for him.

When our little fling ended four years ago, it ended badly. I doubted myself and I suppose it messed with my head a little bit. I was at art college at the time and would stay up all night painting because I was so upset I couldn't sleep. Stupid really.

Considering I didn't know the whole truth at the time.

Turns out you can find out quite a lot from awkward small talk. I found out his eldest child is four. Our fling was a bit less than four years ago, the end of 2002.

I was just his bit on the side.

A bit on the side of what I imagine was a devoted girlfriend and a new born son. His first child.

Not that any of it matters now. I haven't told him that he slipped on a banana skin with that shred of information. I don't need revenge do I?

Comments

title-902612

2006-06-22T15:58:25+02:00

If you're an evil bitch like myself, then you'll probably spend a lot of time thinking of new ways to piss people off. Well someone after my own heart has got a website called www.getannoyed.com

Its a bit daft, but I wish I tried some of these when I used to work in a very morose, victorian cane-yer-arse style solicitors office -

"Compose all your emails in rhyming couplets."

"Page your co-workers to call their extensions so they call themselves."

"Page yourself over the intercom. (Don't disguise your voice.)"

"Put those hole reinforcing circles on the centre of your spectacles. Now go to that executive meeting."

"When in conversation, no matter where you are in the office, mutter, “I think my phone is ringing” and leave. Go get a coffee."

Obviously copyright of whatever geezer writes the stuff on www.getannoyed.com

I think wherever you work, office or otherwise... surely everyone has played the game where you try and insert popular song lyrics into everything you say. Maybe not...

Anyway... on a more gossipy (is that a word, who knows) note. I've been in casual contact with a Mr X from way back when, well four years ago to be exact... when I was a wee 17yrs old and he was 24 or something.

Anyhoo... a lot has changed since then, for him... he has a steady relationship going with two young children and another on the way. He ain't half been busy.

So the majority of the casual contact we have is awkward small talk. We obviously don't have much in common anymore... him with his perfect nuclear family and me a single woman. He seems reluctant to share details of his family life with me but he always was a miserable bastard, he admits as much.

He's got a new job which means he will be working near to where I live some of the time.

He wants to see me.

Comments

feel the fear and do it anyway

2006-06-08T23:17:36+02:00

... I love that self help garb, its a load of bollocks.

Listening to: Placebo, Every Me Every You
Eating: Bombay mix (for the love of God, I don't know why)
Wearing: jeans, peachy coloured tee, goldy suede flats
Loving: the beautiful sunshine lately
Hating: Grace off Big Bro... shes ghastly (in less polite terms, shes a fucking bitch)

Anyhoo, one hasn't posted for some time because quite frankly this is just therapy and lately one has been finding therapy at the bottom of a wine bottle instead.

But aren't we all looking forward to the World Cup starting tomorrow? All them gorgeous men (some of them) prancing about in shorts, day in day out. I know, its an insult to those who take it more seriously but whatever.

My fave dishy footballer is Nuno Gomes from Portugal. I have had a pathetic crush on him since hmmm... was it Euro 2000? Yes... I quite avidly watched all the Portugal fixtures that year.

I think its the hair, those beautiful big brown doe eyes and those lips...

Of course, I want England to win... who doesn't? And that Crouchy is adorable in his own silly robot dance way... Rooney quite cute in his Mr Potato head kinda way (if only we could pop off his damaged little foot and replace it with a pristine new one).

Comments

Following on from what I was saying earlier

2006-05-17T00:55:57+02:00

I'm thinking about going back to art college.

Anyhoo

... the con's as promised.

1. Too skinny
2. Talked too much which I wouldn't mind if he had something interesting to say... but most of the time my eyes must have been boring right through his fucking skull into the wall behind him in sheer boredom. A conversation is supposed to be two-way.
3. Stuck up snob
4. Totally pretentious taste in music and a lot of other things
5. Cock sure
6. Too heavy handed... leaving me black and blue for what? To prove his masculinity? Fucker
7. Bad dancer (not that it matters much)
8. Very obviously prefered blondes... twat... I'm a proud, natural brunette

Anyway, fuck him...

I hope L is going out on Friday. I might borrow one of sis's teeny weeny skirts, more like a belt kinda thing... get the pins out since they are a little more streamlined and tanned from last weeks sunbathing seshs. And buy a bottle of wine or brandy, depending on how mental I feel, to down before I go out.

Comments

War Paint

2006-05-16T15:23:39+02:00

... on my face
... on my fingernails
... on my toenails
... on my lips

Apparently the make-up 'look' at the moment (according to the Metro so don't take it too seriously) is androgynous. Fuck that. If you're going for this look, you are ideally aiming to resemble a pretty teenage boy (?!?!?). You have to ditch the mascara, don some eyeliner, let your brows grow (Brooke Shields styley? I dunno), face is pale, a little blush but not on the apples of the cheeks but a little further down. Don't think you can do lipgloss but a little matte lip stain is ok. Why am I bothering? Does anyone want to look like this?

Being dumped may not do much for ones self esteem but it does wonders for the figure. Well I've never been good at dealing with stress, emotional or otherwise, and my stomach is even worse... I've got a permanent feeling of nausea. I can only eat things which are sweet and biscuity. For example... the time is 14.53 and I have had 2 chocolate digestives and a mini kitkat since waking up. But I ain't looking too bad as a consequence.

But I'm scared that him dumping me has brought out the bitch (a skinny one at that) in me. The other night, I was writing a kind of pro's and con's list of my relationship (if you can call it that) with him. I started with the con's and I couldn't stop then, I was on a roll. Some of it was so nasty, but fucking funny at the same time. It doesn't matter, he'd never see any of it anyway.

I don't feel like posting them at the moment because I'm not in a bitchy mood but I might do later. There isn't any pro's, I didn't get that far.

Comments

Depressing Realisation...

2006-05-02T15:46:56+02:00

I did go to bed in an optimistic mood last night...

Today was supposed to be my day off and I woke up with the sun beaming (well kinda) through my window. So I had plans to get up relatively early (for a day off) and wander into town to go shopping and perhaps look at the possibility of a short break.

But the boss called and asked in his miserable, gruff, manc accent if I could come in later. I stupidly agreed probably because I was in a good mood. Now I'm miserable at the prospect of spending my evening with a bunch of annoying twats. Pardon my French.

Not only that... the reason I was unusually optimistic was because I was also pondering my problems with S while I was in the bath. Going through all that girl power shit like, "I deserve better than him anyway", "I've always been out of his league" etc etc. I was doing a pretty convincing job of brainwashing myself.

Now I've done some more pondering in my more miserable disposition and just think I've been used for the last 8/9ish months. Or not so much that I've been used, just that me and him have been on completely different planets in expectations. Its not like I was looking at bloody wedding magazines or anything but I just wanted a normal, happy relationship.

Just as basic as... me = girlfriend and you = boyfriend.

But what was he thinking? me = fuckbuddy and you = fuckbuddy.

Since we last slept together, he's pretty much ignored me apart from moaning to me about his money problems. And I've let him ignore me... whats the point in arguing with him? Even though I'd like a relationship with him, I've never done the bunny boiler thing, if he's wanted space then I've always given it to him... in shedloads.

I don't know whether I should just ask him for a truthful answer since it doesn't really matter, everything is ruined anyway. I mean I suppose I deserve that much even if I have been completely disillusioned.

...

... well I just text him, will update when I get, if I get, reply

Comments

Murder Mystery Night

2006-04-29T15:06:28+02:00

It was good last night... wasn't much looking forward to it as I would have rather just moped around the house for the evening and enjoy being miserable. Well I can do that today because I'm working later

But yeah, don't think I've laughed that much for ages. Me and my sis were placed on the same table as two older couples who looked a bit stuck up at first but they were well getting into it.

Table 7 didn't get it right though, we were a bit... um... off the mark. I'd definately go again if the hotel has another one.

S hasn't called but he can piss off, I can't be bothered with him.

Comments

Resolutions...

2006-04-28T15:32:23+02:00

Okay, so its a bit late in the year...

But I've been thinking about the resolutions I made at New Year. Not as if I need to give up smoking, lose weight or anything like that. I think everyone makes little secret resolutions though that they don't tell anyone about.

Currently, I'm working within a very male environment and not the nicest males to work with at that.

They all talk utter filth, argue with each other, try constantly to out-do each other etc. etc... Its all fake macho shit, too much fucking testosterone in the air and its making me nausceous. Sometimes its amusing but mostly tiring and a bit boring to be honest. I know they think I'm a bit of a soft touch but I don't wanna change to fit in with them, God knows what kind of transformation that'd be.

I always thought I could get on with anyone like I was an easy-going, friends-with-everyone type. Yet I don't actually like anyone at work and I can't be bothered trying to like them... I've just relented to despising of them and thats a bit depressing.

Sometimes I wish I stayed at my old job, it was tons of pressure and targets but my personality was better suited to it. I could be nice, friendly, sweet, polite and its not percieved as a weakness... I could use it to sell, pull favours.

So maybe my resolutions now are:
1) Get new job
2) Ditch crap boyfriend/fuckbuddy... whatever the hell he's supposed to be...
3) Take a break

When I was feeling all loved up, was planning on doing no.3 with victim of no.2...

But aren't relationships expensive? And they hurt, I don't react well to pain... I tend to shirk away from it. So now, plan is I have to carry out resolution no.2 before I can indulge in resolution no.3...

It'll be hard but its a bit easier imagining where I'm gonna go. Last year I escaped to Barcelona for a bit... and took some um, shitty snapshots with a disposable...

So I might go back... and I can just chill out, have fun and be myself. So thats something to look forward to...

Must dash, have to deliver present to best friend, she's 21 tomorrow. Then get ready for tonight... going to a murder mystery night with my sis so if crap boyfriend calls, I'm busy!

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Pissed Off Cake

2006-04-27T21:45:31+02:00

People express anger in different ways. Some with violence, some drink themselves stupid and crap like that. I end up wanting to cook, for some messed up reason. I suppose this is a good thing, that I want to create rather than destruct when I'm pissed off.

So I made a fruit cake mainly cos I felt like beating something. So I whacked in a big lump of butter and creamed it together with a mound of sugar. This wasn't gonna be no namby-pamby low-fat effort. Cracked in four eggs (yes four, well why the hell not?). Added some flour, various mixed spices and a ton of fruit and beat it to an inch of its life with a wooden spoon. Banged it in the oven (in a suitable container obviously) on a rather ferocious heat for about an hour... come out rather well considering and tastes quite good for an angry person. Tastes a bit like Christmas cake.

Needless to say, only this type of anger could be provoked by a certain male. To be honest, its more frustration than anything.

Well he's having problems cos he's off to uni in September and the whole money thing is troubling him. His parents are loaded which will probably work against him. He's taking it out on me and being all frosty with me. I'm being a mug and taking it all on the chin, trying to be nice because I know what its like to worry about money. I offered to meet up with him for lunch today to talk but he said he had stuff to sort out at work. A lame excuse because when I worked there with him, I don't remember him working through his dinner breaks.

I give up... for now. Its just disheartening, trying to show someone that you care and they don't want to know.

Wooh that cake must have had a mass of sugar in it, I'm ready for bed.

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Danish Mission

2006-04-24T22:52:04+02:00

Well, thats my very first attempt at a Danish Pastry.

Basically its not for me as I don't really have a sweet tooth but for my sister. She complains that she can't find anywhere that does a decent Danish or that the bakers always sell out.

Its not as easy to make as I first imagined. I followed an old recipe written in 1951 apparently. Its actually a bread, not a pastry. The sweet, milky, butter rich dough is infused with mace and vanilla (I used a vanilla pod) and left to rise. Then small pieces of butter are layered into the dough... much like making puff or flaky pastry. Left to rise again. Then rolled out and I used flaked almonds, raisins, sugar and cinnamon as my filling. Rolled up tightly (thats very important) and cut into pinwheels.

I think its a working progress but I'd like to experiment with different shapes and fillings, possibly a nice apple and nutmeg one.

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Insert Witty Title Here...

2006-04-22T15:34:55+02:00

Okay... not too happy cos I'm working later. Its gonna be such a lovely evening and I'll be missing it all so pray it goes really quick.

But on another note... last night was bliss. I'll probably end up getting everything wrong tonight at work because all I'll be thinking about is last night.

Obviously the on-off/love-hate nature of my relationship with 'him' continues.

So we met up last night and it was a nice balmy evening... I had butterflies when I was getting ready to see him, pretty bad, which is a bit pathetic cos its not like we're 'new' or anything. We chatted and stuff about nothing in particular.

Needless to say we ended up sleeping together not that I'd go into all the gory details... but the nice bits like his head nestled into my neck and hair when we're sleeping... or him reaching his arm around me to entwine his fingers in mine... or how good it feels to be totally encircled in his arms.

God I'm crazy about him... literally, he will send me crazy.

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Happy, Sad and Bad!!

2006-04-15T15:52:32+02:00

That title makes me sound a bit simple doesn't it?

Oh well, no matter...

Ooooh... happy because I seem to be dropping weight like theres no tomorrow, not sure how its happening but I've lost a further 5 pounds from somewhere. So I bought some new itsy bitsy Levis to prance around in...

It won't last long as I've got to fit in a couple of Easter eggs before work tomorrow.

Sad because I'm working tonight, in a little bit, and tomorrow. Pray it goes quick because I'm feeling lazy.

Bad because I may meet up with Mr X tomorrow after I finish work... I know he's wrong for me and I'll only end up moaning about him again in a few days time... but I'm in the mood for some fun. Might be all this weight loss but I feel like jumping around like a little Spring lamb (which I had yesterday, roasted... it was good)!!!

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Chips, Gravy, Cough Medicine and Paracetamol

2006-04-11T23:29:09+02:00

Some fucker has made me ill...

I had a head like a foot last night, a throat like sandpaper, in a hot sweat having nightmares about salad (don't ask)....

Work was good tonight though, busy and kept on my toes. Got a couple of days off until the weekend, what should I do with myself? Given that I'm not well, might buy in a bottle of naff whiskey and keep warm in bed.

Will post more tomorrow... ugh

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Color Strip

2006-04-05T00:08:56+02:00

Yum yum yum... I bought his album today, located it in HMV which was unexpected... never find anything I want in there. Not had chance listen to much of it yet... only just got in from work... but it has brightened up my day - listening to his sexy voice.

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Cheese on Toast

2006-04-04T13:49:16+02:00

Urrggh... I've ate too much but I don't feel too bad, I discovered the other day that I've lost half a stone, YAY! I'm struggling to figure out where its actually gone cos my stomach still feels a bit doughy.

I feel a bit of a rant coming on... well I did actually text the ex last week or he text me and I replied. He's not even an ex as such, but may as well be cos we're so fucking on and off.

Anyway I asked him on Friday what he was up to later... assuming, not without reason, that he would wanna see me. His reply was,

"I'm going around town with Jason and his new girlfriend. As I got paid the plan is to get smashed! Really smashed. And I never make empty threats!"

The words that sprang to mind when he said this was basically "Fuck", "You" and "Then". So I stayed home alone (my plans shattered) and angrily drank myself a bit stupid. Went bed and he text me (probably drunk) at about 3.30am saying,

"I'm tryin to sleep on my mates sofa. I ended up in Manchester. I can't sleep as I'm thinkin of you. Wishin I was with you!"

I replied in some sort of annoyed, pissed off way. I dunno why I bother... I'm intelligent (or so I've been told) so why am I being so stupidly nice to him?

Anyhoo thats my rant, I feel a bit better now. Not that much... I'm working later. Hmmph, I'm having a bad day.

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Auto

2006-04-03T21:57:06+02:00

I will digress for a bit... to rant on about these guys...

Well if you aven't heard of them already, AUTO are a french electro band and I am loving them at the mo particularly their tracks 'Commeinh' and 'La Metamorphose'. Its a bit retro, sounds a bit like music from an old computer game. Very catchy, addictive stuff. Unfortunately some of their CDs are a bit hard to get hold of.

And a another cool thing they've come up with, apart from their tunes, is The Automachine so yer can ave a dabble yerself. Bit of fun.

Anyhoo, they got a cool WEBSITE where you can listen to their stuff and a MYSPACE where last time I looked you could download 'La Metamorphose' free.

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All Hail New God!

2006-03-31T21:21:49+02:00

I've never really had obsessive compulsive fan disorder before but god damn, he's so hot... so the direction of this blog has gone from well... um... somewhat manic to all things Mr Edgar! WooHoo! Well for the forseeable future anyhoo... until I run outta things to say about him... but well when thats happens I'll just post pictures of his pretty face for us all to hail.

As such, its probably only right that I mention his new album Color Strip which is due to be released on the 3rd April. You can order from the trusty Amazon.

You can listen to some of his tunes from this album on his MySpace.

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Cold Chicken Pie and Cheese n Onion Crisp

2006-03-29T00:35:26+02:00

1. (It's just a) JUMP TO THE LEFT, with hands UP.

2. A STEP TO THE RIGHT (Time-Warper ANNETTE FUNICELLO suggests a very WIDE step.)

3.* (With your hands on your HIPS) YOU BRING YOUR KNEES IN TIGHT.

4. (Then) THE PELVIC THRUST (if repeated FIVE times, it nearly drives you insa-a-ane)

5. HIPSWIVEL (if not driven insa-a-ane by step four)

6. LET'S DO THE TIME WARP AGAIN!!

* Those with LIMB DISABILITIES may find it necessary to ALTER or DELETE this action, but NO EXCUSES for alterations to steps four and five

Sorry for randomness... just got in from work, want to type but my fingers are tired along with everything else. Tempted to text the ex... nooo, don't do it, its so good being single... but want some attention

This bloody music isn't helping, 'Sexy Boy' by Air (?!), lets have something else... 'Caught Out There' by Kelis. Not really relevant, he didn't actually do anything wrong especially not cheating but its a good anti-men (or anti-sexy boy) song nonetheless.

Eh, can't be bothered... going bed

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